The confrontation with one's individual hidden qualities (shadow) and owning those qualities without the temptation of assigning them to another person through projection is as necessary in building relationship across racial lines as in any other relationship-building efforts.
~ Living into God's Dream by Catherine Meeks
As we identify our shadow sides, our false selves, it becomes more and more apparent that we are projecting them on to others, and as Catherine Meeks says, we must name them, claim them and let them go instead of assigning them to another person.
Richard Rohr says that all of us develop a false self in order to survive in this world. But letting go of that false self and claiming our true self means coming into full relationship with God and being in union with the Image of God within us. Therein lies the source of the lens of the True Self...when I see myself as created in the image of God then I see you created in that same image. And though we disagree, we will always have the image of God between us which holds us in relationship. Then we can talk across our differences in peace.
Whatever relationship building efforts we are working on, we MUST wear the lens of the True Self in order to live into God's Dream...to be the Peaceable Kingdom where the Lion lies down with the Lamb.